Betrothal Customs

Engage

I. Making the Proposal and Presenting the Betrothal Gifts

According to the traditional customs and etiquettes of making a betrothal proposal, a matchmaker will visit the bride's family and make the proposal on behalf of the groom's family. This is called "nazai" ("making the proposal"), which is part of the betrothal process. When conducting "nazai," the groom's family will prepare...MORE
II. Tea-serving Ceremony and Giving Red Envelopes

Led by the "Hao Ming Po" (literally translated as the lady with a good life), the bride will hold the tea tray with both hands to serve sweet tea to the groom's family and relatives and greet them one by one. After drinking the sweet tea, the drinker should place a red envelope under the tea cup for the bride to collect later.
III. Exchanging Rings and Putting on Gold Jewelries

The bride should sit on a high chair facing outward with her feet resting on a small, round stool in the hall of the house (if the groom is to bear the bride's family name, then the bride should face inward). The groom and the bride will exchange rings and put the ring on each other's middle finger (groom the left hand, and bride the right). The bride's mother-in-law will put gold jewelries on the bride as a way of greeting and accepting the bride. Afterwards, the mother-in-law and the bride should begin calling each other "mother" and "daughter-in-law."
IV. Making Offerings to the Bride's Ancestors and Returning Gifts by the Bride's Family

The bride's uncle will light the incense for the newlyweds and the family to make offerings to the bride's ancestors. To indicate reciprocation, the bride's family will perform the etiquette called "Hui Sheng " (or "Ya Sheng "), meaning they return part of the betrothal gifts presented by the groom's family and place them inside red wooden wedding chests brought by the groom's family. MORE
V. Betrothal Banquet and Gifting Wedding Cake

The bride's family will hold a banquet for relatives and friends, and gift them wedding cake boxes. The banquet marks the perfect ending of the betrothal ritual. The bride does not say goodbye to the family and relatives from the groom's side when they depart; neither does the bride eat her own wedding cake.

Wedding Etiquettes and Customs

Wedding

1. Making Offerings to Ancestors

A wedding officiator or an elder from the groom's side will accompany the groom to light incense and make offerings to ancestors, conveying the message that the groom is going to welcome the bride and praying for a smooth process.
2. Welcoming the Bride

1. The groom's family will prepare and place the six gifts in wedding chests on the wedding day and load them onto the car (if betrothal and wedding ceremonies are held on the same day). After double-checking the items, cars and entourage, the groom will get properly dressed... MORE
3. Arrival

A younger member from the bride's family will open the car door for the groom while presenting a tea tray (with apples and tangerines wrapped with red paper). The groom gets out of the car with the bridal bouquet after giving the young family member a red envelope and enters the bride's home accompanied by the matchmaker. The groom's entourage will unload the wedding gifts in the car and present them to the bride's family and relatives while an elder from the bride's family leads the groom's entourage into the living room.
4. Pleading for Joy

After greeting the bride's family, the groom is to bring the bridal bouquet to the bride awaiting in the room. Meanwhile, the bride's sisters or confidantes must obstruct the groom, refusing him the bride's presence unless he passes their tests. The groom can see the bride and give her the bridal bouquet after he and the best men pass the tests and usher the bride into the hall.
5. Kneeling Down to the Bride's Parents

The wedding officiators from the bride's family sit in the hall, and the bride and the groom kneel in front of the them. The officiators will advise the newlyweds to live in harmony and love. The newlyweds then bid farewell to the bride's parents and express gratitude for their loving care and upbringing. After the bride's mother put the bridal flower on the bride, the bride's father will put down the bride's veil.
6. Exiting the Hall

At an auspicious hour, the bride is ushered out of the hall (without stepping on the doorsill) supported by the groom and the Hao Ming Po. The matchmaker will be standing outside the door with a rice sieve or a black umbrella (if the bride's is with child) and hold it above the bride's head as she walks to the bridal car.
7. Fan Throwing

When the bridal car is about the depart, the bride will throw out a paper fan (with a red envelope and a handkerchief tied to the end of the fan) for her younger brother or sister to pick it up. The gesture symbolizes throwing away her bad temper before entering marriage. The bride will keep a silk fan, meaning that she brings goodness to the groom's family (the Chinese word for "fan" is homonymous to the Chinese word for "kindness"). Moreover, the bride should not look backwards during the process.
8. Water Splashing

The water-splashing ritual takes place behind the bridal car. The bride's mother will splash a bowl or a basin of water (or rice) towards the back of the car, indicating there are no regrets as splashed water cannot be undone.
9. Giving the Twelve-fold Wedding Invitation

After the bridal car drives away for a little distance, the groom and the matchmaker should come out of the car and deliver the twelve-fold wedding invitation to the officiators from the bride's family and arrange another car for them.
10. Receiving the Bride

Upon arriving at the groom's home, the pace car should set off firecrackers to inform the groom's family of the coming joy. The groom's family will set off a long roll of firecrackers to welcome the bride as the bridal fleet move closer to the destination. From the groom's family, a boy should be holding a red wedding tray with two large tangerines wrapped with red paper, greeting the bride and politely welcoming her out of the bridal car. This is called "Bai Jiao" (literally translated as "bow to the palanquin"). Before the bride steps out of the car, she should gently touch the tangerines and switch their places before placing a red envelope under one of them as a form of reciprocation. The two tangerines should be saved to be peeled by the bride that evening, which will bring longevity.
11. Crossing Fire and Shattering Conflict

The groom and the matchmaker should get out of the bridal car first. The groom should assist the bride get out by supporting her together with the matchmaker, who will be holding a rice sieve (or a black umbrella) above the newlyweds' heads and escorting the bride into the hall of the house. A fire pan (with burning coals) and a traditional ceramic roof tile should be placed in front of the doorsill of the hall. The bride first steps over the fire pan with her right foot, and then steps on and breaks the roof tile, symbolizing the elimination of uncleanness and shattering one's willfulness.
12. Making Offerings to Ancestors

The groom's family will invite the bride's entourage into the house and properly seat them down. After the newlyweds enter the hall, the officiators from the groom's family will accompany them to make offerings to the groom's ancestors. Facing the family shrine, men stand on the left and women on the right, first making offerings to gods and then to ancestors. The officiators will inform the gods which family member is getting married on that day and pray for gods and ancestors to bless and protect his family with lasting prosperity and domestic harmony.
13. Eating Glutinous Rice Balls in the Bridal Room

In the bridal room, two chairs should be arranged in advance, with the groom's black pants put on one of the chair and coins and notes placed under them. After the newlyweds enter the room, they will sit side by side, which symbolizes their union, their sharing of future ups and downs as well as prosperity and wealth. Then, the groom can lift the bridal veil, and the newlyweds will have a sip of wine with their arms intertwined. The matchmaker will feed them sweet soup with glutinous rice balls, longans and red dates, which denotes the sweet perfection of their union and that they will have children soon.
14. Bridal Tea Ceremony

Elders from the groom's side will sit in the hall as the bride serves them tea and calls them by their familial titles. The elders will place red envelopes under the tea cups as a congratulatory gesture after they finish the tea whereas the bride will acknowledge their kindness and reciprocate with gifts such as soaps.
15. Taking Family Photographs

The bride's entourage can enter the bridal room for photographs with the newlyweds. When bridesmaids enter the bridal room, the groom will give them red envelopes. The groom will also serve glutinous rice balls for the bride's entourage. After a brief rest, the newlyweds can have photographs with the entire family and friends.
16. Wedding Banquet

The groom's family will hold a wedding banquet to treat the friends and relatives, which marks a perfect ending of the wedding ceremony.